I was always scared and panicked at tests and Quizzes, because my mind went blank and I couldn’t remember a single thing. I cannot forget the amount of the specialist appointments, parent meetings, evaluation meetings and doctors’ appointments just to figure out that I only have a learning disability. I was good at sports (joined every single team), geography, music, art and phys. Ed. I always felt very discourage, with no motivation and hated going to school unless there was a practice or a game that I had to attend to.

In the four years of high school, I decided to get a part time job and keep my mind off school, continued to fight my battle of being in special ed classes and try on own to surpass this learning disability that no one could even tell me how to improve or somehow get rig of it. I hated being in separated classes and felt like the special ed classes wasn't as helpful. I felt very discouraged, unmotivated, lost and figuring out what to do with my life if I can’t do anything! I aimed for a passing grades to get by and worked a lot harder at the classes that I was good, which was art, geography, wood shop and communication technology.

My mother was my only supporter always told me to keep going, and said " I know you have learning disability but don’t let it discourage you, you need to have faith and be positive. Life is never easy you need to work at it to get what you want.” My dad said “your a smart individual, creative and everyone is different and unique, you need to have faith and believe in yourself that anything is possible. just like in sports you keep practicing until you become better and you see the hard work pay off. “

So what did I do?

I applied to 4 colleges and 1 university and I was accepted to all four colleges for the Architectural Technology program. I realized I development a passion for design build and interior design when I was younger and during high school I enjoyed drawing everything and anything. I had discovered an ability to create and design empty spaces or empty lots. I realized I could one day I can become an architect, I took co-op program in high school and I knew what I wanted to do.  

I accepted my admissions to George Brown College, feeling excited and motivated to meet new people. I still continued worked part time while attending school full time. The college had already knew that I had a learning disability, and there it hit me. I was enrolled in ESL English 101, in my first semester, as I was sitting there, the first thing I realized that it was getting back to the basics of English and wasn’t for me since most of the people in the class where newcomers. I rushed to the office to drop the course, I didn’t want to fall back in English and take an extra course every semester to keep up in order to graducate. I told myself I can do it, I made it this far this is the real world I need to just do it and deal with it. College was definitely not easy for me, I felt so dumb and stupid at times. I had to work four times harder than the average person. There’s no separate classes, or modifications or cheat cheat to complete assignments or tests. Reality hit me hard when there was nothing there to help me. I was upset with myself and put pressure on myself, thinking all my years I wasn’t receiving the help that I really needed. I felt like my hand was held for so many years and not a solution was given to me to help me development. I said to myself what do I do?? My first semester was the hardest and longest I ever felt, students were dropping out. I noticed I wasn’t grasping things, I was forgetting things, and I couldn’t remember anything. I had to come up with solutions such as read material more than once, cue cards, group study, summarizing and memorizing in order to be successful. I know for us who have a learning disability it’s a constant battle with our conscious, with our minds and we have truly have to believe in ourselves that we can do this. After so many years of struggle and I cannot imagine completing College ever! It’s a tough road, it was scary thinking that If can’t do this what else can I do. I failed Math 4x, to a point the same professor just passed me! I kept working Part time because I wanted to see other options and look at the different possibilities I may have if college didn’t work. Most days I felt beaten down from the work I had to put in. The outside world would say you just to work harder but HOW and HOW MUCH HARDER? I wanted to quit so bad.

After 3 hard years I pushed myself my parents supporting me mentally just with the basic words of “don’t give up, you can do it” and telling me if I were fail I would regret this journey. Words for some who think its just normal sayings for me it was the constant push I always had every single day. I cried, I laughed, I got angry, I got sad and I can say and from 4000 students who enrolled since day 1 only 1400 have graduated and I proud to be one of them. But what’s next? How do I not continue to fail myself and find a career, what obstacles am I going to face? What is my dream job, will my bosses understand what is a person with a learning disability do?  Am I going to be okay? is the real question.

I worked retail for 10 years and was given management positions (didn’t think I would), my first manager told me you are a born leader, with the skills and ambition to strive that I have develop over my retail career, my disability wasn't an issue or a problem. I felt very welcome and I hardy opened up about my disability, I felt like I didn't need to. It was hard physical and mental work in management your running a team, training associate’s, one on one meetings and list goes on. But I loved how my disability didn't set me back for once. Being able to run co-op programs at my previous employer was rewarding teaching students the day to day life in retail and the service industry, it made me feel so empowering. I knew that I wanted to train or teach and help people become what they want to be.

I did end up going back to school for personal training and nutrition where I was working in the service industry I wanted to become a personal trainer. I did my certification and it's crazy when something you love you enjoy and learn so much more. My gpa was 3.8/4.0 which was really impressive for someone with a disability, why was it so hard to remember oh yeah! I remember now, using cue cards and I had to read every muscle group for at least 6x a day. When exam time came it felt like breeze and I thought does this easy when I’m older? It does little when you have a different mindset. I did find training clients very rewarding and I didn't feel that I needed to worry about anything.

Like any job, we get bored and I did, retail and personal training was great for the moment but I wanted more. I looked back and wanted to get back into the field that I got into the first place. I felt it was my calling since the recession in construction it was hard to get into field, it was almost 10 years since I graduated.

I started working for a real estate agent and was very excited to learn everything about real estate,  this agent would demo, renovate properties, rent and sell homes. I knew there was a lot of paper work and important documents to be careful about. I did disclose and opened up my learning disability.  My first day like any other felt like the first day of school. Little did I know it turned out to be nightmare, I get passed this 4" binder which was the manual that the previous administrative left behind. It was nightmare where you start questioning the way people run their business and how many others can be in the same situation but have no where  else to go. I felt like it was college all over again, feeling defeated and trying to ask for help and accommodations it was nightmare, I asked myself who was I working for?? I never experienced someone who really just said here's this book read it and you'll understand. BUT WHO? Definitely not me, after first month I dreaded going to a job that I just started, I have asked for feedback and one on one meetings but they were never useful. I had always second guessed myself of my compatibilities. My parents only advice was to stick it through until something pops up, I would always vent to my parents and would always break down. My anxiety got worst going into that job that I hated it and hated how they made me felt about my work. I got yelled at, I was called incompatible and also was said maybe this position wasn't for me. But, It was for me, the person running it wasn't.  My agent would not take the time to sit down with me to go over the material, the word "I'm busy" was used more than toddler saying NO. I asked for help and asked for a job description and be trained by someone esle. I just felt this agent just didn't care. I always said to just try your best for yourself and not for someone who doesn't care. It was Nightmare of a job, I don't want anyone to go through what I have gone through. It was definitely an experience to share with others of how not to manage.

An opportunity of a life time approached and I did disclose that I have a learning disability and I am site administrator for one of largest construction company and I love to see company set plans in place for their employees to be successful. This thus far has been such an awesome experience working for a company like this. I looking forward to growing with them in the future.

Life as we know it can be difficult but we need to experience it and from our experiences we need to learn and grow. Never give up on your goals and dreams, only you can determine how far you’re going to go. My goal is share my story to others and teach leaders on developing employees with learning disabilities, it's rewarding when you help develop your team and individuals. I want to empower people to take charge and think of it as a gift not a setback. I have been through a lot like many people but one thing I know is I so far achieve so much and I am not done yet.